I am not a panicky parent. I leave that for Nick. When it comes to illness or injury, I'm more laid back. Not to the point of neglecting their care, but I am not one to turn a little cough into end stage lung cancer. Please don't think that I'm saying Nick reacts that way...I'm just trying to illustrate that I don't normally panic.
The one thing that makes me panic is the mere thought of losing my kids, or somebody taking them from me. That is why I don't take them to the park by myself. There is no way I can run in three directions at once, and if I'm running after one, than the other two are vulnerable to getting lost or stolen. I can't handle it, so I avoid all public places unless they can be contained, or I have another two or three adults to help watch after them.
Joey's bus stop is right across and one house down from our driveway. I am so glad it is close, I can't imagine asking him to walk a few blocks away, even. I like that I can see it from the end of the driveway and know that once I see the bus, he should be showing up a couple minutes later. I stayed with him at the bus stop this morning, but we talked about him being a big boy and coming home on his own. He rode the bus home for the last third of the year last year, so he knows where to get off and how to cross the street to our place. It's not that difficult, and Joey is one smart cookie. So instead of meeting him at the corner as I did all last year, I waited outside the house for him this afternoon.
I saw the bus pull up to the stop, I couldn't see the kids getting off, but I could hear when the bus left, so I knew Joey should be showing up any second. Then I saw one of the other kids that live in our developement walk up, but no Joey. I waited another minute thinking that Joey was just walking slower. Then I went to the end of the driveway where I could see the corner. NOTHING! There was nobody there!
Immediate panic set in. Nick and Ethan were still sleeping, and I was afraid that maybe Joey thought I was going to pick him up and he was waiting for an hour at the school. It was ten minutes to four by this time, and school gets out at 3pm. But I should have been called by the school if that were the case. So I called the school to make sure he did, in fact, get on the bus. In my uber-emotional state, I was barely holding on to my tears. I was frightened more than I remember being frightened since nearly drowning at the coast as a kid.
The receptionist paged the driver who confirmed that Joey was on the bus, and she was sure that he got off at the right stop. Could he possibly have gone home with a friend? No, not really....we don't know anybody around here, and he knows to ask first. Before the receptionist confirmed with the driver that he got off at the right stop, she asked if it was possible that he got off at a different stop. Of course, again, it's possible, but highly unlikely. But the visions I had in my head at that point of him lost and crying and having no way of knowing how to let me know where he was....I lost it. I was doing my best to keep the tears from my voice. Finally, the receptionist heard from the driver that they just found Joey on the bus. Apparently, he fell asleep, and popped up when she reached the barn. So they brought him home right away.
I couldn't keep the tears from my voice any longer. I was so relieved, but still feeling that absolute helpless fear. I felt bad when they showed up, because I couldn't stop blubbering all over Joey. Thankfully, they understood I was VERY pregnant and that possibly had an affect on my emotions.
So, to recap my first day of school memories:
Kindergarten; Joey cried when I picked him up because he wanted to ride the bus.
First Grade; Joey falls asleep on the bus, misses his stop, and scares the living daylights out of me.
I don't know if I will survive the first day of second grade.
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