Exciting News

Well, the exciting news has been shared. We are pregnant. We are due in September. How do I feel? Excited! I can't wait. I have had the "baby bug" since Ethan was born, and if I had had my way, Ethan and our next would only be 18-20 months apart. In other words, I would only be a month or so from giving birth. I know that most people would find me crazy for that, but that's how I felt. So now that a baby is finally on the way I am thrilled.
Everybody's biggest question (besides 'how does Nick feel?') is if I will be okay if we have another boy. The answer is two-fold. Ultimately, yes, I will be okay if we have another boy. We have a name picked out, which always helps me "personalize" the baby inside. So even if it turns out we are having a fourth son, I will be able to call him by name, and start to love him as I know him before he is born.
Does my heart still yearn for a daughter? Yes! With everything in me, I yearn for a daughter. She has been in my heart since I was 13 years old; that's eighteen years! So, yes, I'm hoping I finally get to hold her in my arms, and not just in my heart.
When it comes time to find out whether we are going to bring Breanna Rose or Andrew Kyle home, I will be on pins and needles. If it's a girl, I will jump for joy, perhaps even cry with joy. If it's a boy, it may take me a few moments to recover. Not that I won't be happy for another son, but my heart will grieve for the loss of a daughter I have loved so long. So there will be conflicting emotions, but I will, nonetheless be "okay".
How am I feeling? I've just barely begun to feel pregnant, so it is hard to answer that. I suppose there is a psychological effect, in that knowing I'm pregnant makes me feel as if I might become nauseated. But so far, I have been okay. I still remember how awful I felt for the first five months with Ethan, and I'm praying that I will not feel even half as bad as that. There are times, usually in the afternoon, that I feel a hint that I might become ill, but again, that could be all in my head. I do feel a little ill when I need to eat, and then again after I've eaten. But it passes quickly. Since we are just at the very beginning of this ride, who can say at this point what it will be like.
Telling the boys was interesting. Joey was in the middle of pouting over not getting two cookies for dessert, so he wasn't as enthusiastic as I thought he might be. He has been saying for a long time that he wants a baby sister. It was funny, though, that when we told them they would soon have another baby brother or sister, both Joey and Nick chimed up "SISTER." They have already decided the baby is a girl. Since we have talked about it before, I asked them to remember who decides if it is a boy or a girl. Again, they both said, "I do. It's a girl."
Tonight as I was putting Joey back to bed (after he had gotten up to tell me that he made his bed all by himself) I asked Joey if he was excited for another baby, if he was going to love his new baby. He said yes and seemed very excited. Then he asked me if Ethan was going to bite the baby. I told him that Ethan would be two years old before the baby was born and that he would know by then that he can't bite the baby. I reminded him that Nick turned two just a few days before Ethan was born, and that Nick loved Ethan and wanted to hold him, not bite him. Then Joey said, "When our new brother Andrew is born, Breanna will be two." Did you catch what he said? He is counting on us having a fifth child, still determined that this one will be a girl!
Just now, Nick is awake and sitting on my lap. He wanted to know what I was typing "all those letters" for and I told him that I was writing about the baby in my tummy. I asked him if he was excited for a new baby, and he smiled real big and said yes. Then he asked me "Will the baby come out of your belly button?" "No, God made a special way for the baby to come out." "How?" "That is something we will discuss when you're older!" Oh, the joys of talking "baby" with a pre-schooler! As cute as he is, I sure wish he would get back in bed! It's ten to one in the morning for crying out loud!
Speaking of the late hour, I should retire myself. The boys get up early enough, without my making it worse by keeping late hours.
Blessed weekend everybody.